I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
