are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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