And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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