Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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