I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
