Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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