my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
