u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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