Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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