I think my fart just growled at me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize