i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
