guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
