She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
