On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
barbara walters just said penis...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
