he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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