I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
