Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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