Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize