i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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