well I can't set my house on fire every night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
