that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
