he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
