I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
