You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize