if you like me you must not know who I am
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize