tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
