Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
