i permit you to call me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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