I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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