Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
