No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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