Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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