yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
