turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
