Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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