What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who put my cat in the fridge?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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