I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
