the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
