I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize