I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
