I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
