I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
