Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my poor anus
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
