ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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