Say something about gay babies.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
