I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
