I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
