You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
