He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
