I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
