he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
