I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
