I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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