this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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