you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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