WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
