My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize