we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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