whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize