if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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