she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
