I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
