everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize