Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
