sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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