well you can't waste a boner
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Of course I have a pirate flag
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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