I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
