Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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