I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
